For as long as I can remember I have always been a people-pleaser. I would say that this one thing in and of itself has caused me the most pain. Of course, I didn’t get there all in one day. It seemed to me, as a child, that when I was honest people would tell me I was wrong, or I shouldn’t have said that, or I couldn’t possibly feel that way or know what I was talking about – I was only a child, after all.
Slowly but surely I started hiding my truth, I stopped speaking it and when I did it was always from a very fearful and passive place. Which resulted in more negativity from my peers and people I knew.
Eventually, I became a chronic liar and it wasn’t until my early twenties that I put a stop to all my lying. Of course, even though I had stopped lying to everyone I knew I still had no idea what my truth was and people pleasing was still the name of my game. So essentially I was still lying to myself and denying my own feelings in order to please others. As a result, I created a pattern of betrayal and attracted some very painful situations into my life.
In the past few years, I’ve seen how much pain this has caused me and I chose to start opening myself up to my Truth layer by layer. It has seemed like a never-ending process and maybe it is, I believe the truth is so deep, so vast, so magical – it can take some time to fully grasp its magnificence.
However, you don’t have to always fully know your truth to put a stop to the people pleasing.
This comes from making a choice to be conscious of how you feel. When you choose to honor your own feelings, rather than please others, magical things will start happening.
Some really unexpected things come from honoring your Truth and here a few of the benefits I have noticed in my own life…
Benefits of Truth-Telling
First, being honest with others reveals their true intentions:
If you are honest with someone who’s intention is pure and compassionate they will understand and empower your truth. If their intentions are selfish or unkind they will either cut off the friendship or get very defensive and try to make you feel bad about your decision. Since I tend to be a bit of a “Pollyanna” when it comes to the way I view others, this has really helped me guard myself against becoming involved with people who may not have a positive impact on my life.
Second, the truth is like a shield:
Even if you have an encounter with someone who does not have the best of intentions in their relationship with you and you choose to honor your truth which results in some backlash, the truth will set you free. It will allow you to see the good in the situation and be totally unaffected by the responses of others because you know that by honoring yourself, you also honor others’ in the process.
Third, when you stand on your truth you let go of what others think:
By standing your ground you have a foundation to stand on that gives you confidence. An inner confidence that does not rely on the opinions of others. As a result, you no longer feel that deep urge to please others and sacrifice your own well-being in the process.
Ultimately, by honoring yourself and your Truth with grace and kindness, you will start to receive a more positive view of yourself, life and others. Joy will ensue and more positive experiences will start to come into your life.
Being honest isn’t always easy so here are some tips to help you share your Truth:
Take time to feel…
This is a big one. Before you respond to a person or circumstance always consult with your feelings first. How you feel about a particular situation is where your Truth exists. Most of the time reflection is needed before we speak up. If you take the time to check in with your feelings and be honest with yourself first about how you feel it makes it way easier to be honest with others. By honoring your feelings first you are then able to speak your truth with grace and relieve the automatic defensiveness that can come up in situations that make us uncomfortable.
Tell yourself the Truth first…
This builds upon honoring our feelings. So much of the time we will feel a certain way about something but end up denying our Truth to ourselves. If you can’t be honest with yourself you won’t be able to share that honesty with others. The truth is if you are denying your truth you are betraying yourself and thus you will attract more of that betrayal into your life. If you find yourself in this destructive pattern (as I have many times), the only way out is to start by telling yourself the absolute truth as you know it at the time and then share that truth with others. For more on this I highly recommend reading the “Conversations with God” Trilogy. These 3 books changed my life profoundly especially in the area of Truth revelation.
Speak from the Heart
Heart-centered Truth comes out with gratitude, kindness and grace. It comes from honoring your feelings, being honest with yourself and seeing the absolute best in the situation and then sharing that with others. When you do this, no matter how uncomfortable or overwhelming a situation may be, you will receive an abundance of kindness and grace back into your life. This creates a momentum that builds upon itself and makes sharing your Truth easier and easier as time goes on.
Keep the conversation going! Have you noticed patterns of people-pleasing in your own life? What have you learned from these situations? Post below in the comments!